


a sudden flesh

by silenceinmolasses



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Abusive Friendship, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Ending, Dark, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Friendship, Ghoul Kaneki Ken, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inappropriate Kagune Usage, Injury, Kaneki and Hide live together, Kissing, M/M, Metaphors, Mild Cannibalism, Mild Gore, Minor Violence, Non-Binary Suzuya Juuzou, Obsession, Possessive Behaviour, Purple Prose, Rape/Non-con Elements, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexualized Gore, Suicidal Thoughts, Threats of Violence, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Vulnerability, Yandere Kaneki Ken, for better or for worse, look at the clever pun in the title friends, sex happens, wanted to use this tag for so long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:00:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9628985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceinmolasses/pseuds/silenceinmolasses
Summary: The sky was the color of crushed rose petals when Hide came back home.





	1. Chapter 1

The sky was the color of crushed rose petals when Hide came back home. He unlocked the door; not in a particularly quiet manner but as the flat was drowning in silence Hide took off his shoes in a more subdued way. He forewent turning on the light, choosing to relish in the peaceful moment. He expected Kaneki to be watching TV or maybe drinking coffee – a clack of a spoon against a side of a cup, a spicy scent permeating the rooms – but there was no sign of life. Well, he himself did not say where he was going, he should not expect his friend to notify him about every trivial matter. Hide stretched his aching shoulders, feeling tired muscles beneath his blazer. Maybe he should go to bed earlier, read a comic before sleep.

Hide did not notice it in time.

He was hanging his coat and reacted half a second too late and the hand he had been trying to grab a knife with was pinned to the wall. Hide had enough sense to duck to protect his head from impact when his whole body was roughly pushed back and something hot and hard twisted around his torso, not enough to constrict his breathing but still carrying a warning. His arms were lifted and pressed above his head, forcing him to offer his body for scrutiny.

He was kept in place by flaring red that hurt his eyes. He was pinned none too gently to the wall by Kaneki’s rinkaku.

'I hope I didn’t scare you too much,' Kaneki was standing a few feet away, his left, brilliantly black eye uncovered. He was smiling kindly as if pushing Hide around was what they did all the time.

'Kaneki,' Hide acknowledged. Adrenaline twitched in the space between his useless fingers and made his stomach jump uncomfortably. The wall was hard against his fatigued back, 'that’s quite a greeting.'

Kaneki let out a short laugh. His face was radiating sweetness. His nostrils flared before he chuckled again.

'Oh, this is nothing, Hide,' his kagune squeezed Hide in an almost caressing fashion, sliding softly up his chest and in between his thighs, “you showered somewhere else. Smells like plastic,” he continued conversationally.

'Did you have sex?' 

Hide’s eyebrows shot up at the question.

'No,' he started but then one of the appendages pressed against his rib cage, slowly travelling up to stop on his Adam’s apple, successfully disrupting his airflow and shutting him up, 'Kaneki, let go!' he barked.

Kaneki’s smile was still on his face only now it looked more like a grimace.

'Well, as we don’t do anything, I assumed you would go out for any sexual needs,' Kaneki visibly tried to continue this pleasant chat charade of his, 'I mean, I’m not stopping you,' he beamed as his rinkaku tightened around Hide’s shoulders as if embracing him, squeezing him lovingly, giving him new bruises.

'You did not tell me where you were going, so…' Hide was prepared for an attack this time but with his hands pinned he could only shudder and wince as the appendages lifted his sweater, exposing his stomach, and ripped his belt, the buckle loudly clacking on the floor, “what other reason for going out in the evening could there be?” Kaneki said through his teeth. His eyes flickered lower.

An ornament of bruises was blooming in golds and purples all over Hide’s strong stomach.

'What are these, Hide?' Kaneki stepped closer. The tension between them sparkled and almost broke. It was building up for a while now, in these weeks when they tried to exhale gentle air in each other’s personal space as they watched the stars in the balcony, unspoken words thick in their mouths. Kaneki would touch Hide’s elbow gently to steer them closer together, never really far away from him and his hug just yesterday lingered too long, nails catching on Hide’s T-shirt. 

Hide thought that something’s got to give eventually.

'No,' Hide answered to his best friend who made him laugh and cooked him breakfast. The kagune ghosted over his ribs, sliding tortuously slow over his bruises and curiously pressed closer over his groin area. Hide refused to budge or blush or look down. His eyes were firmly locked with Kaneki’s.

'I worry about you,' Kaneki lowered his head. His rinkaku loosened their grip.

'I worry about you too. I’m tired, Kaneki,' Hide still could not go free.

'I will make it better for you,' Kaneki smiled lazily and stepped closer. His lips shone with spit and his skin was slick like he was hungry but the gaze in his eyes was anything but. He was resolute, bursting with something Hide could not yet decipher.

Kaneki fell on his knees in front of Hide. He stroked his stomach, touching the bruises lightly, almost fervently gripping unmarred skin.

'You don’t have to do it,' Hide tried to laugh. He felt messy and uncomfortable, with his broken belt lying on the floor and his best friend’s kagune weighting him down like sun-bitten iron.

Kaneki nuzzled the skin just above Hide’s waistband, warm breath tickling his abdominal hair.

'You didn’t go meet the CCG, right?' the voice was clear, sweet, deadly. It ran with Hide’s blood in his veins and flew down his throat together with saliva. The kagune just as sweetly tightened again, pushing into Hide’s neck and arms and thighs. He was toying with him, Hide shuddered, Kaneki was hungry.

He didn’t want flesh, he wanted something even deeper.

'I mean,' Kaneki told him, pressing his lips to the damaged skin, 'you certainly could not go investigating something, could you? You did not possibly fight anyone? These bruises are just coincidence, right?' Kaneki dropped feather light kisses.

Hide refused to cower and blush as he felt himself growing hard beneath his jeans. Kaneki graciously provided him with a way out, crouching here in the shadows. Hide could say _no_ , could say _no, I have nothing to do with CCG_ , and then Kaneki would do something for them both for their alive, lovely, revived bond. He may wrap his lips around Hide’s hard cock, sucking him off, milking him down, transforming the tension into sex. His rinkaku would be gentler, holding him, spreading his legs in case Kaneki decided to fuck him today. They would have a new topic to discuss in the evenings, their friendship hotter to the touch, or they could immerse themselves in pleasure. Hide shortly entertained the idea of inviting Kaneki into his body and his mouth, letting and encouraging him to use his fingers, tongue, cock to distract them from the silence that threatens to swallow them.

Hide refused to entertain.

'We trained,' Hide refused to feel his heart skip a beat from fear, 'the bruises are from the impact of quinques striking against each other.'

Kaneki nodded. His wet and open mouth stilled on his hipbone.

'You couldn’t have possibly trained,' he said again, wrapping his arms around Hide’s legs. He rubbed his face into his belly, almost comforting while his rinkaku wrapped around Hide’s neck like a choker.

'My partner for tonight was Juuzou Suzuya. You probably remember them,' Hide was gently holding their friendship in his relaxed mouth like a creamy rose head, 'they're really strong, I could barely keep up.'

'Work out with _me_!' Kaneki dug his fingers in Hide’s clothed inner thighs, 'I am a better challenger than them. I can keep you on your toes,' his kagune slid across Hide’s crotch, making him tighten his muscles, 'and then I can exhaust you in different ways too.'

Their gazes met. The air in between them was heavy like wet sugar. Kaneki’s eyes were wide with lust and his kakugan shone eagerly.

'Do not go there again!' Kaneki flat out ordered.

'Dot not command me,' Hide answered just as fast, his voice full of cinders: fiery, yet breaking apart.

'Hide, I don’t command you, I care about you. Do not meet any of them them ever again. You can’t. It’s too dangerous,' Kaneki whispered against his body feverishly. He pressed his lips against the bruises again. Once more. And then his teeth dug in harshly, leaving deep cuts. Before Hide could wince, Kaneki bit again, an approving growl building in his throat. Every single bruise was bitten and the fifth or the sixth mouthful was finally accompanied by blood. Kaneki licked it – his tongue flat and hot – and then chewed on the separated pieces of skin. His teeth ripped some more as Kaneki open-mouthed kissed the wounds, the tip of his tongue fucking into the upper layer of parted meat. Hide muffled a sob. Snot coated his parted, disfigured mouth.

'There are ghouls out there you can’t imagine. I won’t let you go. CCG will send you to your death,' Kaneki’s lips were wet with gore. The rinkaku which was keeping Hide upright slowly brought him down, his trembling legs positioned open on either side of Kaneki’s knees. The radiantly red appendage on his neck stayed.

Kaneki’s eyes were full of love, sweet and soft. Hungry. His arms sneaked around Hide’s waist and brought him closer. It was too dark to see whether all of Hide’s bruises were bitten off. He briefly wondered whether the ripped skin looked like rose petals.

'You can trust only me,' Kaneki said. Hide allowed them both to be comforted by his choice to stay silent. His belly was burning. He did not cry out.

The kagune tightened around his body, the blood making the embrace slicker and as Kaneki cupped his head as if his neck was a glass filled with whipped cream Hide realized with a disheartening clarity that he would not be able to leave their home for any reason anytime soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan to continue this fic but you all have been so lovely \o/.  
> This is shortish, to get back on track.  
> I can't promise regular updates but I won't drop it.  
> Enjoy!

Hide spent a few feverish days between a dream where his insides were stuffed with cotton candy and reality in which the wound on his neck pulsed like crystalizing sugar. On his closed eyelids Hide saw his cherry blood cells writhing and gluing against each other. Whenever a glass of lukewarm water was brought to his mouth, he imagined his throat (what’s left of it) melting and the bits and pieces being washed away.

One night his body was burning. Bites on his chest and stomach were trying to leave him, taking his vital organs with them. The sheets were wet with his sweat and moving felt like ripping skin. Kaneki was there next to him, whispering something, soft words like snowflakes landing on his face. A kiss on his lips and a needle stuck in him. Hide’s body was full of absence of pain; through the fog that reminded him of dense cream he was convinced his viscera was gone and he was completely empty – only a plate.

Did Kaneki finally eat him? Hide was not a good friend these past few days, just lying on the bed with a homemade IV in his arm. His bandages were changed constantly, crisp and clean replacing those filled with blood and puss and sleep. His lips were wet constantly, be it water or milk or honey: anything easy to coat the insides of his mouth with so when his fever broke on an early morning, the window open for an inch, Hide would swallow friendship and safety and nothing else.

The room was mild gray, still a bit dark, though the lamppost outside was already turned off. There were only moments until the sun would rise, silver and glassy in the face of autumn. Hide’s hand rose to meet the thick bandages on his neck, then down to the maze of plasters on his chest, then up again to his lips. His fingers came up colored in mahogany; it was jam, not blood, not blood masquerading as jam or jam pretending to be blood. Hide licked it off, the treat seemed quite fresh. His body was mildly aching, the stinging almost comfortable in its simplicity; only the sharp edge of pain Hide did not want to think about right now in his neck unfamiliarly drew attention to itself, seemed to be caressing the whole area around his shoulders from the inside.

‘Hide,’ Kaneki’s voice from the doorway was full of warmth and relief. Hide could pretend he was just having a bad cold, a _really_ bad cold, one which shattered his lungs and turned his words to flour. He came into the room and when he sat beside on the bed and took his hand, Hide accepted his loving friend’s comfort, his strong and dry hand, fingers intertwining.

‘Can you speak yet?’ Kaneki politely inquired, assuringly brushing his thumb across the other’s palm. To be honest, Hide did not try yet. Even we he was dreaming about licorice spiders crawling out of his mouth his nice subconsciousness willed him not to call out, not to test his vocal chords which had the strength of webs, see-through in the sun.

Hide opened his mouth and nothing came out. His throat felt tensed and bruised and any effort to say something resulted in needles running up his head to his temples. Under Kaneki’s watchful and unblinking eyes he could only shrug. Kaneki patiently squeezed his hand, black nails digging in a bit too sharply (hey, Kaneki, buddy, what are you so excited about?).

Kaneki leant closer, their mouths touched and then he none-too-gently nibbled on Hide’s lower lip, leaving him debating whether Kaneki was kissing or tasting him. Now, with patches of his skin gone and half of the body unfamiliar both prospects seemed a bit negative.

There was nothing patient about Kaneki, nothing at all. He insistently kissed Hide, his free hand surprisingly gentle on the latter’s injured neck, a warm and strong presence. Hide was sitting, trapped between the wall and his best friend’s body. He probably smelt of dried sweat and the previous fever must icily bite Kaneki’s insistent mouth but he paid it no mind. The tip of his tongue slipped in between Hide’s lips, stayed in his still mouth for a second, and then slid out to place a few kisses on his stubbled chin. Only now Hide allowed himself to relax.

Kaneki’s eyes were wide and black with what can be considered lust.

‘Do want to try eating? I will take out the IV,’ he asked, again in this calm and polite voice, as if it did not concern his teeth digging harshly and fervently into his best friend’s throat to make sure he wouldn’t say no. It was polite to construct the question so that Hide could answer yes or no, though.

Hide nodded and pushed away the blankets. While Kaneki was kissing him, unwilling dawn colored the mild wind in greens and blues; the room was chilly and Hide’s legs looked weak and pale. He opened his mouth, remembered his current disadvantage (he would not be able to sing in the shower for a while, well, that _was_ a pity) and grabbed his phone conveniently placed on the chair nearby. The password protection was gone.

Hide could not remember it anyway. 

The gadget felt comfortable in his hand. Pulling up messaging, Hide quickly pressed a few buttons.

_for how long was I out?_

Kaneki spent an unnecessary long time reading it.

‘Three days, I think. Your fever kept coming back,’ he replied eventually, ‘I have soup on the stove. I bet you missed normal food,’ he smiled, his teeth glinting in the light flowing slowly through the open window as he removed the needle from Hide’s arm. A drop of blood was wiped with a thumb, smearing it down the visible vein.

‘Will you need help showering after?’

Hide shrugged again. He was going to need help walking, his legs soft bread. He didn’t need to say anything, though, Kaneki brought his body closer, arms winding up around his back and stomach, skin to plasters.

_liquid diet for me then?_

Hide typed quickly.

Kaneki smiled affectionately (Kaneki’s smile this time was dripping and sharp).

Hide crossed the threshold out of his room, eyes colored yellow with the light above his head. He thought for a moment, the interconnecting nerves wet with raspberry juice.

_thanks for taking care of me_

They were closest, most intimate friends, it is only good manners to thank him, rolling the words in kisses before letting them out of his mouth. Hide shivered when Kaneki stopped and pressed his mouth on his bandages, lips insistent.

‘Of course, I will take care of you no matter what,’ Kaneki blushed slightly, their eyes boring into each other’s. It was a tender moment, friendly moment, a moment soaked in the metallic tang of plasma. Hide felt headless, like a flower which loses its petals, one by one, when autumn comes.


	3. Chapter 3

Hide got to shower alone. He left the door unlocked, assuming it might be seen as a sign of trust, though earlier he would simply forget to lock it, forget to close it properly most of the time. What was the worst that could happen? He would see Kaneki spit into the sink, his mouth foamy with white minty substance?

What was the worst that could happen now?

Hide avoided the mirror till the very last moment. He had taken off his clothes, having half a mind to take off the area surrounding his neck and shoulders – it felt like a hundred hearts beating there – and to relieve his aching legs from the muscle mass in them. His body was made from bright pink bubble gum kids ate during hot summer days, blowing sticky bubbles which smelled half fruit half plastic. Hide removed the clean expensive plasters from his torso the way other people removed paper from chocolate bars of simple brands when they were very very bored: mildly inquisitive but overall impossible to surprise.

They were healing nicely, no doubt about that. He guessed he could keep them uncovered for now, as long as he was careful. Though the wounds were deep and the meat did not magically regenerate, the edges of… bite marks crusted and the center, though tender, did not look like insides of a juicy duck anymore. Hide scratched his lower belly, felt like giggling.

‘You did quite a work in my stomach,’ he tried saying aloud, actually putting effort in his voice. The whispery words like golden petals carried themselves around the calming flow of the water drumming the shower tiles and filled up the bathroom. After a few seconds, Kaneki slowly opened the door and pull his head in. There was a smear of spice like magic pixie dust on his cheek. 

‘Did you say something?’ he asked. His eye did not waver down from Hide’s face; he was blushing (probably they both were) and there was a tasty smell coming down the hallway. Pretending that his naked form was shivering due to their close friendship being colored in lust was the easiest thing to do; now Hide should grab Kaneki by his arm, silence his yelp with a kiss and surrend his body right here in the shower, let Kaneki open him with a reddish watermelon gel.

Hide smiled and shook his head, looking at his best friend’s eye that now always seemed too polite and sweet; the grey iris was like a popsicle wet with spit.

‘Don’t be too long. And don’t take off the bandages on your neck,’ Kaneki nodded, his eye sliding lower and then lower some more, ‘do you want me to bring you some clothes?’

Hide shook his head, turned around and stepped in the shower cubicle. No one followed him.

The interaction was almost normal. The memory of it continued to caress the insides of Hide’s thighs, it massaged his back, its drops refreshingly wet his lips while sliding down his forehead. Hide stumbled slightly on the wet floor as he wrapped a towel around his waist. He had a slight limp; Hide got angry for a moment, completely unnecessary, opened and closed the door to his room maybe a bit too loudly.

He was blissfully distracted by the clothing on his bed. He had never own this and he was sure it wasn’t Kaneki’s. The shirt was soft, it whispered as it slid between his fingers. It was loose enough not to touch his wounds, though it did not really matter; it would feel like applying butter anyway. Putting on the peach colored garment was like falling head first in a mass of petals that had been carried by a spring wind to one place. It was really beautiful, seductive too, baring his shoulders with sleeves low enough to show only the fingertips. Now Hide should go in the kitchen and press against Kaneki’s back, should spread himself open and the kitchen was definitely the best place to do it, in the kitchen he should break apart for the expansion of blackness around Kaneki’s pupils in the kitchen.

Hide would do no such thing.

Their tiny kitchen with the half-full coffee bean bags near the glossy coffee maker and the various spices in small glass jars above it greeted him with the thick, saliva-inducing smell of shio ramen, meat and noodles and heat and the salt of Kaneki’s sweat.

Kaneki smiled and look away for a moment as Hide sat next to him, the full bowl near the almost finished cup.

‘Please don’t get used to me cooking for you,’ Hide’s best friend got shy all of a sudden, a familiar blush leaking around his eyes. Kaneki pushed a salt shaker towards him.

Hide giggled – a dry, silent sound. The broth was terribly salty and the tiny noodles could have boiled a few moments more and wow, Hide, what an impeccable taste you have been cultivating while eating omelettes and whatever he would grab from the shelves of that American food shop around the corner.

The long sleeves felt soft on his arms but they kept trying to get into his soup. Kaneki was staring at him unblinking as Hide licked the grease from his lips. The air in the kitchen was stuffed like the insides of a scarecrow. Hide stood up, taking his dish, and left for the balcony which was in Kaneki’s room completely cluttered but, hey, they used to go hang out there, during especially stifling summer nights, they would sneak out, Hide leaving thick creamy drops of his ice cream all over the floor and then the old upholstery of a broken arm-chair on which they would try to fit, Kaneki’s elbow digging in between Hide’s shoulder blades and a plastic cup of melting coffee ice cubes balancing on Hide’s thigh. It had been uncomfortable and pretty pointless as there was another block house barely a few meters away, no wind in between, no sun, nothing. But the window on the other wall was always closed so they could talk, could laugh louder that what sounded pretty and then they would kiss one another good night.

Hide sat on the chair, his ramen still hot, air still stuffy but with Kaneki around the corner he could fantasize not having his tongue bitten off. The old wall above him seemed to be pulsating with the oppressive and scalding heat lingering from the summer. Kaneki sat next to him, their shoulders and knees touching; it felt like an oven. Hide’s fingertips burned with the hot ceramic bowl while his heartbeat breathed fire, trying to sear his lungs. Hide sip some of the broth and put the dish on the floor. His mouth was coated in pig fat and one of his sleeves was wet too. It would start smelling badly in a moment but the warmth of the shy sun above stopped him from worrying. Hide kinda did not have a worry in general.

Hide had a lot to worry about.

Kaneki’s hand found his and his view of the grayish bricks was obstructed by a worried face. Friendship tickled Hide’s throat like a stinging nettle soup. Kaneki’s forehead touched his, then a fleeting kiss on his nose, and Kaneki hummed.

‘I do not think you have a fever. Maybe you need some fresh air.’

Hide shrugged. His input wasn’t really needed, was it?

‘Why don’t we go for a walk? It’s still warm,’ Kaneki smiled. Hide nodded. The smile was as fresh as minty lemonade which clung to Hide’s throat.

Hide limped towards the door. His coat was harmlessly hanging on a hanger near Kaneki’s jacket. A colorful scarf, the only bright detail in the dusty hall, was thrown over the chair in the corner. So domestic, it melts like sugar in a spoon of water.

Kaneki did a fantastic job cleaning the blood out of the hardwood.

‘Hide,’ Kaneki’s voice was quiet and bursting with emotion. Hide got a vivid image of a fruit ripening and braking apart at its seams from the pressure inside. His hand went slack on the handle. Hide desperately wished Kaneki just wanted to remind him to put gloves on.

‘Hide,’ he repeated, seemingly more intimately, definitely more dangerous. The whisper felt sharp across Hide’s neck. Their eyes finally met. The kakugan looked like liquorice someone inattentive left in a pan for too long, ‘I… I can take bites out of your wrists and ankles. So that you wouldn’t leave me. Don’t go anywhere without me.’

Hide could say many things to that. They all flew around in his head in wisps of cotton candy being made. Hide scrunched his face as he took his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans.

_where would i go? I live here. I pay the rent._

_with you_

Kaneki read the messages and the blush of excitement and friendship filled him up completely.

‘Yeah, you’re right,’ he said, taking his hand and opening the door for them, ‘where would you go?’

Outside was another world. It smelt slightly sweet with the upcoming rain and the park was still fully green with the clear reminiscence of summer. Hide had no time to fully enjoy it.

‘Hideyoshi,’ a familiar voice called near them. Hide felt his hand being crushed in a vice full of roses as he turned to Juuzou Suzuya who stood there with a smile which looked like it was painted on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is back after almost nine months for the grand finale \o/. I want to thank everyone who commented and kudoed and bookmarked it!

Hide raised his hand and waved; no more than a wiggle of his fingers. Kaneki stood solid, warm and calculating next to him.

‘How have you been doing? The training is boooring without you,’ Juuzou whined, coming closer. Their quinque behind their back wasn’t folded properly, its sharp tip almost touching their head. The only thing better than Juuzou’s fighting abilities was their incomparable protocol breaching skills. Hide almost smiled and called out to them but then friendship gripped his throat. 

Juuzou was also holding a potted plant pressed into their side; Hide could not recognize it: the buds shone wetly.

‘How about you come? We won’t tell you’re a ghoul,’ they probed Kaneki who laughed in response: a cold sound, masquerading as comradery. Hide easily recognized boundaries stretched thin and snapped. 

‘I think some may recognize me,’ he answered amicably like they were all friends here, like Kaneki wasn’t reeking of affection gone sour like he wasn’t standing in front of Hide and also behind him, strong arms around his waist as well as hands ghosting over his face.

Juuzou shrugged, unconcerned, calmly like it didn’t matter at all. Hide almost winced.

‘I was in the neighborhood, a few of our investigators went missing, so I thought I will check on you,’ they thrusted forward the plant, ‘here.’

Hide did nothing, did not listen, but smiled and took the gift. The petals were bright, electric almost but he couldn’t smell anything. 

‘Oh well, all seems calm,’ Juuzou’s eyes were closed. The sun beat down on their face. They left, disappearing around the corner, only with a mock salute to mark their departure.

Hide could not even say goodbye as there were roots clamping his vocal cords. He wasn’t entirely sure Juuzou noticed anything amiss. Hide could have sworn that Juuzou had recognized his voice when they trained, that they knew what it was like. Hide was probably wrong.

‘Let me take this from you,’ Kaneki’s hands replaced his on the pot. The motion made the buds push against one another rhythmically like beating hearts. They were Hide’s hearts, one for him, another for him trembling in the absent wind and all others for Kaneki.

After they came back home Hide went to bed, his face smashed into the pillow till his nose and his cheek hurt and he wasn’t sure whether he was crying or not. Kaneki came to comfort him, to lift his T-shirt and slide his hand over Hide’s stomach in the dark, to press dry lips against the corner of Hide’s lips, licking at the closed mouth; he came to stay.

‘I will kill myself if you leave,’ he heard, ‘I will turn myself in, I will destroy myself if you leave me,’ Kaneki kept whispering into his shoulder. 

Hide could speak two days after the meeting in the street _(the last time he went outside)_. It did not hurt anymore when Kaneki pressed his tongue against the bruises on his chest. Hide checked the Internet for the missing CCG investigators but there was nothing. He wrote a few articles for his freelancing job, his heart not really in them. 

And then one day, when Hide was doing push-ups, Kaneki stepped up to him, a bag in his arms and a wide smile, glinting in its sharpness.

‘Come on,’ he was pulsating from excitement, ‘I will train with you.’

Right. That’s how it all started anyway. It was owed.

Hide was not condescending or annoyed, he was a good friend who nodded in return and helped Kaneki move the furniture closer to the walls. The carpet was thin; Hide’s skin was thinner. Kaneki threw the bag near his feet.

‘Choose one,’ his kakugan bled into his eye and his kagune raise above him, flaring like snakes, ready to attack. Hide kneeled, unzipping the bag. His gaze met three quinques, haphazardly thrown together. Hide was not surprised at all and his heartbeat did not jump. One of the weapons was an L-shaped scythe; Hide took it. Though he had been offered to train with it, he never agreed, saying next time.

Ironic.

‘Did they know you borrowed all these?’ he asked, getting into position. For a second he allowed himself to feel sad and then adrenalin kicked his heart.

Kaneki laughed, carefree.

‘Oh, I didn’t borrow them, they’re yours now,’ he smiled lovingly, ‘do you want anything else?’

‘No, these are good,’ Hide attacked, his body sure and movements precise.

Kaneki humored him for a while, letting him come close enough to almost cut; Hide’s punch once took him by surprise.

Hide really _really_ hoped they both would simply end up on their backs with bloody knuckles and then as a thank you Hide would mouth Kaneki’s dick through his clothes.

What a child’s play.

Hide went down with a dull thud as the rinkaku tore open the skin on his knees. Kaneki picked his best friend up: appendages wrapped themselves around Hide’s shoulders and waist, lifting his shirt.

Hide was a chew toy but it still fucking _hurt_. 

‘Gotta make sure you won’t run away trying to save anyone,’ Kaneki noted conversationally. With no hurry he sat on the floor, legs spread, his breathing slightly uneven, though it was not exactly clear why. The kagune brought Hide closer, more of them travelling up his thighs only to slide down with his trousers.

 _Right_. This, too, was owed. He had forgotten.

Hide squirmed in his restrains. He was held softly for once, the weight on the bruising across his torso almost soft. Hide supposed he was deemed as marked thoroughly enough.

 _I wanted us to be okay,_ Hide thought, unenthusiastically as he was lowered in Kaneki’s lap, his limbs coming to rest on Kaneki’s shoulders as their lips meet. It was almost romantic.

Hide felt himself being ruined just a little bit more, his body filling with thick smoke, Kaneki licking into the wreckage of his mouth. Hide couldn’t really believe he could get hard, the pain an afterthought. Looking into his best friend’s eyes made arousal redundant too.

Kaneki loved him that much, he loved him all this time.

‘Enough,’ Hide said _no_ once, said _no_ and _i don’t like this_ and _stop_ when one night Kaneki slipped his hand into Hide’s underwear, wrapping around his dick. Hide’s chest hurt, his heart growing teeth and biting his flesh, sucking on the arteries; his body itself tried to do what Kaneki didn’t. Hide still came, eyes open, unblinking, thought it had been too dark to see his cum on Kaneki’s face.

‘It’s okay,’ Kaneki kissed him on the lips, almost shyly, once, twice, as his wet fingers nudged against Hide’s hole. He smiled, child-like, friend-like, ‘definitely not enough.’

‘You always speak about fucking me. Don’t tell me you changed your mind,’ his fingers slipped inside. Kaneki’s nails were too long and it was uncomfortable. Hide felt stuffed in a way a cock would never do; a rinkaku might. It would destroy him, cut him up and maybe then Kaneki would eat him and be finally sated: their friendship would finally be sated.

‘Hurts,’ Hide grunted as Kaneki pushed into his body, his kagune flaring and settling again, holding him lovingly. They were making love, Hide supposed while wincing, sweat on his forehead heavy like a crown. Pleasure flared in his lower belly as Kaneki moaned into his neck.

‘Hide, Hide, Hide,’ he chanted, the name drowning in yearning, ‘you feel so perfect, my one and only, mine to touch, mine to break, my only friend.’

Hide met his erratic thrusts, the appendages around him moving him as Kaneki saw fit. Their bodies fit, he supposed; Kaneki bit enough out of him that their bodies were identical, made of the same flesh and the same blood. 

Hide didn’t feel when he came; too busy marveling at the distraction of the pain in the marrows of his bones and the overarching understanding what he should do. That’s what it came to, didn’t it? Hide scratched across his neck, his reddened cheeks, his bright eyes. He dug his nails deeps enough to reach the jewelry beneath. He licked into Kaneki’s eager mouth, falling on his back with a thud as Kaneki drove into him deeper, taking him onto the floor. His spent dick flared just as humiliation burned somewhere in his chest.

Hide rubbed his bloody chin into Kaneki’s lips, daring him and daring himself to fully become one; one who would truly matter, from two friends to one friend.

Teeth closed over his lower lip and tugged, maybe - finally - enough.


End file.
